Who the fuck turns off their phone when they sleep?!!

Suicide note

If you see this I'm probably not in this world anymore. Nah, not really.

1. I AM STUPID! Can't even get at least upper 2nd class honors eventhough I've been working my ass off for the past 4 years . Everyone! Everyone I know has at least upper honors. Maybe...maybe I didn't work hard enough then. I think I have a tendency to not put a lot of effort into what I do. Ok so i don't really deserve that upper 2nd honors after all. Kill me already.
   
2. I can't even do simple things like work at a friggin cafe!! HOW EFFIN HARD IS IT TO TAKE COFFEE ORDERS!?! I make at least one mistake everytime I work at Plushie. WTF! My boss says I tend to panic and F*#k up. Also, also, my current serving speed is prob 5 customers per minute. That's effin slow! Seriously, I have been trying to not make any mistakes and serve at least 10 customers per minute. I HAVE BEEN TRYING trust me! But it's not happening yet. Which brings us back to me not putting enough effort into it. SIF!
3. I shouldn't have came back this summer. Should have stayed in Malaysia and did internship. Make my CV look nicer, since it's so hard to get a job nowdays. STUPID STUPID STUPID me. I am so regreting that now. One stupid mistake, there goes my future job. Without that honors, I can't compete with others, I am so not getting a job. WHat was I thinking!! Might as well die now. But that will be a waste of my degree ... hmm.
   
4. I feel so delinquent now. I slack so much. Do last minute work. Skip class. Do assignment 3 hours before the due time. Want things I can't afford. Spend too much money. Waste money on Castro coffee. And worst of all, I feel like bumming around for a year instead of working. And two days ago, I was considering going on drugs. Ok that was probably the effect of the alcohol. Aaaa alcohol. How I've missed you (quotes Jason). But drugs...hmmm maybe something that keeps me going without sleeping. Like those they take on Desperate Housewife. Then, then i can work more get more $$ and still be able to do my uni work.
   
5. I W-A-N-T so many things it's not funny. Laptop, London, Jacket,Jeans, Bag, Boots, RL sweater. All the things I could never afford. Then today, I received an e-mail sent from heaven (NAB actually). "NAB student loan. Borrow up to $10 000 for all your educational needs". Well, a bag and laptop are educational needs aren't they? Huh huh huh huh?
6. I have a handwritten report and an assignment due on Friday, an experiment tomorow which requires extensive research and here I am blogging. I can't effin concentrate. I am frustated. Stoned for 2 hours. I've mutilated a paper. Thought of punching a mirror or stabbing something. Too much criminal minds influence. I am now permanantly disturbed, and may need pshyciatric care. I seriously need to divert my frustration somewhere before I kill something... or someone. GAWDWTF is wrong with me?!?!
   
7. I am very very very angry at Alex. I AM THE MOST UNSUPPORTIVE GIRLFRIEND IN THE WORLD. I should be shot, put into a coffin then shot twice again.
   

How do you expect me,
to live alone with just me,
Cause my world revolves around you
It's so hard for me to breathe.

The author acknowledges that she was indeed feeling suicidal post blogging but is feeling fine now. Can't say the same bout her experiment though O_O.